VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS
Virtual relationships in social media: self-disclosure in virtual relationships; effects of absence of gating on the nature of virtual relationships.
VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS IN SOCIAL MEDIA
INTERESTING STATISTICS ABOUT VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS
MARRIAGE AND LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS
Around 7% of married couples who met online first encountered one another on social networking platforms (e.g. Facebook or MySpace), rather than dating apps.
Couples who met via social media reported similar or higher levels of marital satisfaction than those who met through online communities or offline contexts.
DIVORCE AND RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN
A 20% annual increase in Facebook use was associated with a 2–4% rise in divorce rates, suggesting that online communication may contribute to relational instability.
Roughly one in three divorces today is linked to an online affair, often initiated through social networking sites.
FRIENDSHIPS AND SOCIAL SUPPORT
64% of teenagers who formed new friendships online said they met those friends through social media.
68% of teens reported receiving emotional support from friends via social media during difficult times, highlighting the medium’s value in providing accessible peer support.
MODERN COMMUNICATION HABITS
The average social media user belongs to over 80 different group chats.
36% of users say they now communicate more through group chats than face-to-face, suggesting a significant cultural shift in how relationships are managed and maintained.
KEY TERMS
ABSENCE OF GATING
Refers to removing barriers that might generally inhibit relationship formation in face-to-face settings. These barriers—or ‘gates’—can include physical unattractiveness, social anxiety, speech impediments, or shyness. In online communication, such cues are either absent or minimised, allowing individuals to focus on personality and self-disclosure rather than superficial factors.
COMPUTER-MEDIATED COMMUNICATION (CMC)
CMC is communication that occurs via electronic means such as texting, email, online messaging, or social media platforms. It can be synchronous (e.g., live chat, video call) or asynchronous (e.g., email) and is central to the study of virtual relationships, particularly in contrast to face-to-face (F2F) interaction.
DE-INDIVIDUATION
A psychological state in which individuals lose their sense of personal identity and self-awareness, often due to anonymity or reduced social presence. In CMC, de-individuation can lead to reduced inhibition and altered behaviour, such as increased aggression or unusually deep self-disclosure.
DISINHIBITION
A reduction in restraint or social filtering may occur in online communication due to the lack of non-verbal cues and perceived anonymity. Disinhibition can result in overly blunt, aggressive, or unusually intimate communication that might not occur face-to-face.
HYPERPERSONAL MODEL
Walther (1996; 2011) proposed a theory that suggests online relationships can become more intimate than face-to-face ones because of increased control over self-presentation, anonymity, and early, deep self-disclosure. However, this intensity can make such relationships unstable and prone to collapse—a dynamic known as "boom and bust."
NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION (NVC)
Communication occurs without using words, such as facial expressions, gestures, posture, eye contact, tone of voice, and physical proximity. Non-verbal cues play a crucial role in interpreting emotion and intent in face-to-face interaction but are often absent or altered in CMC.
REDUCED CUES THEORY
A theory developed by Sproull and Kiesler (1986) argues that CMC is less effective than face-to-face interaction because it lacks the non-verbal and contextual cues essential for accurate interpretation. This can lead to de-individuation, disinhibition, and communication breakdown, ultimately reducing the likelihood of meaningful relationship formation.
SELF-DISCLOSURE
Self-disclosure is the deliberate act of revealing personal information to another person, including thoughts, feelings, experiences, and vulnerabilities. It is essential for the development of intimacy and trust in relationships. Self-disclosure can occur differently in online versus offline interactions, often influenced by anonymity and social cues.
SOCIAL MEDIA
refers to online platforms and technologies that enable users to create, share, and engage with content and participate in social networking. Examples include TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, X, LinkedIn, and Snapchat.
OVERVIEW
This topic explores how romantic relationships are initiated and maintained through computer-mediated communication (CMC) compared with traditional face-to-face (F2F) interaction. It focuses on two key areas from the AQA specification: self-disclosure and the absence of gating, which affect how virtual relationships develop.
SELF-DISCLOSURE IN VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS
WHAT IS SELF-DISCLOSURE?
Self-disclosure refers to the intentional act of revealing personal and private information about oneself to another person. This information may include a broad spectrum of content, such as emotions, thoughts, experiences, preferences, fears, ambitions, and memories. In romantic relationships, self-disclosure is vital in developing intimacy, emotional connection, and mutual trust.
Psychological research suggests that self-disclosure typically follows a gradual and reciprocal pattern. In the early stages of a relationship, individuals are more likely to share superficial or low-risk information (such as hobbies or favourite music). As trust builds, the depth and sensitivity of the information tend to increase, encompassing more personal, emotionally significant topics like trauma, insecurity, or past relationship history. This process is often described in terms of breadth (the variety of topics discussed) and depth (how personal or sensitive the information is).
SOCIAL PENETRATION THEORY (ALTMAN & TAYLOR, 1973)
Altman and Taylor developed the Social Penetration Theory to explain how self-disclosure facilitates relationship development. They likened the process to peeling away the layers of an onion—beginning with outer, less revealing layers and gradually progressing towards more profound, more intimate core aspects of the self.
According to the theory, self-disclosure is most effective when it is:
Reciprocal: Each partner shares information, fostering equality and emotional safety.
Gradual: Disclosure must unfold over time; sharing too much too quickly (over-disclosure) can feel invasive or off-putting.
Responsive: Disclosure is encouraged when the recipient is attentive, empathetic, and supportive, reinforcing further openness.
FUNCTIONS OF SELF-DISCLOSURE IN RELATIONSHIPS
BUILDS EMOTIONAL INTIMACY: Revealing personal information encourages vulnerability and closeness, laying the groundwork for meaningful connection.
PROMOTES TRUST: Disclosing sensitive information signals that one trusts the listener, often prompting mutual disclosure and reassurance.
SIGNALS COMMITMENT: Deeper levels of self-disclosure typically indicate that the individual is emotionally invested and sees the relationship as serious or long-term.
CLARIFIES COMPATIBILITY: Open discussions about personal values, lifestyle goals, and emotional needs help both partners determine whether the relationship is mutually fulfilling and sustainable
Online interactions may hinder or enhance self-disclosure, depending on the theoretical perspective.
REDUCED CUES THEORY (SPROULL AND KIESLER, 1986)
Sproull and Kiesler’s Reduced Cues Theory suggests that computer-mediated communication (CMC) is less effective for forming and maintaining relationships than face-to-face (F2F) interaction, primarily due to the absence of key social and emotional cues that typically guide interpersonal communication.
In face-to-face contexts, individuals rely heavily on various non-verbal cues (NVC) to interpret emotional intent and build relational understanding. These include facial expressions, eye contact, tone of voice, accent, gesture, body posture, physical proximity, touch, shared views on what you experience in the present moment and even seemingly superficial indicators such as clothing, grooming, and environmental context (e.g. the type of place you meet someone in). CMC platforms—especially text-based ones like messaging apps and forums—strip away most or all of these cues.
DE-INDIVIDUATION AND LOSS OF SOCIAL PRESENCE
According to Sproull and Kiesler, this loss of interpersonal richness leads to de-individuation. In this psychological state, people lose their sense of personal identity and responsibility due to reduced social presence. Individuals may feel anonymous or disconnected from social norms when communicating without eye contact or physical presence. This can encourage disinhibited behaviour, such as being more blunt, aggressive, or insensitive than in person. People may also become more impulsive or emotionally extreme because their behaviour has fewer social consequences.
For example, a sarcastic or humorous message may be misinterpreted as hostile or rude without accompanying tone or facial expression. Likewise, what might be seen as playful teasing F2F may be offensive or cold in text.
ANONYMITY AND DECEPTION
One of the most profound implications of reduced cues is the increased potential for anonymity and deception. The absence of identifying features in online communication means that individuals can easily conceal their identity, lie about their background, or construct false personas. This opens the door to behaviours such as catfishing, where someone creates a fake online identity to deceive others emotionally or financially. In such cases, users may present idealised or entirely fabricated versions of themselves, exploiting the trust built through text-based self-disclosure.
LACK OF CONTEXTUAL AND CULTURAL CUES
CMC also removes contextual cues such as accent, regional dialect, and appearance-related indicators like clothing, ethnicity, or age. While this might allow people to engage more equally, it also reduces the ability to build rapport through shared cultural references or social context. For instance, clothing style can signal profession, subculture, or lifestyle in F2F interaction—clues often lost or delayed in virtual settings.
REDUCED EMOTIONAL SAFETY
Without these relational signals, users may feel less emotionally safe, reducing their willingness to self-disclose. This is particularly problematic in early relational stages where trust is still fragile. Suppose a person seems abrupt or emotionally distant (due to flat text or delayed response). In that case, the other person may misjudge their intentions, reducing the chances of a relationship forming or progressing.
SUMMARY
In short, Reduced Cues Theory argues that the limitations of online communication—particularly the lack of non-verbal signals, visual appearance, tone of voice, and contextual richness—make it harder to interpret meaning accurately, increase the risk of miscommunication, and undermine emotional connection. This can lead to de-individuation, disinhibition, and even dishonesty, making CMC a more challenging medium for building authentic, long-lasting relationships—at least in the early stages.
THE HYPERPERSONAL MODEL (WALTHER, 1996; 2011)
In contrast, Walther (1996, 2011) suggested that CMC can lead to more intense and accelerated self-disclosure than offline relationships. Online interactions allow individuals to manage their self-presentation carefully, encouraging deeper and more selective disclosure early in the relationship.
Walther’s Hyperpersonal Model challenges the traditional assumption that face-to-face (F2F) relationships are inherently superior to computer-mediated communication (CMC). Instead, he proposes that online interactions can actually become more intimate, emotionally intense, and self-revealing than offline ones—often more quickly and more selectively. This is because CMC allows users to carefully manage, control, and amplify their self-presentation, influencing how much and how deeply others are willing to self-disclose in return.
SELECTIVE SELF-PRESENTATION
One of the model’s central features is selective self-presentation — the ability to curate and control how one is perceived online. Unlike F2F interactions, which are spontaneous and include real-time non-verbal cues, CMC offers time to edit, delete, and reword messages. This allows individuals to present a more favourable, idealised version of themselves. For example:
People may share only their best photos.
They can hide socially stigmatised traits (e.g. social anxiety, disability).
They can omit awkward body language, nervous laughter, or visible insecurity.
This enhanced control over self-presentation makes individuals appear more attractive, confident, or emotionally stable than they might seem offline. This, in turn, encourages others to disclose more deeply, assuming they are interacting with a trustworthy, emotionally available partner.
ANONYMITY AND THE STRANGERS ON A TRAIN PHENOMENON
Bargh (2002) noted that anonymity in online settings reduces social risk and diminishes accountability, making users more willing to disclose personal or emotionally sensitive information. When individuals feel that they cannot be identified, they may experience what Bargh calls the "strangers on a train" effect — the tendency to confide intimate thoughts to someone they will never meet again due to the lack of real-world consequences. In the CMC context, even though relationships may continue, the early stages benefit from a similar psychological safety:
People feel less judged based on physical appearance, voice, or social status.
The absence of mutual acquaintances reduces the fear of gossip or reputational damage.
The psychological distance between sender and receiver makes disclosure feel lower risk, even when discussing highly personal content.
Anonymity does not necessarily mean deception — rather, it facilitates authenticity for some users, especially those who struggle with face-to-face vulnerability.
INTENSIFICATION OF RELATIONSHIPS
According to the Hyperpersonal Model, online relationships often become rapidly intense because both parties disclose deeply and idealise one another. Partners can quickly feel emotionally connected, using text-based communication to explore hopes, insecurities, romantic fantasies, and even sexual preferences in ways that might take months to unfold in face-to-face relationships.
BOOM AND BUST DYNAMICS (COOPER AND SPORTOLARI, 1997)
Despite these benefits, Cooper and Sportolari (1997) warned that the factors that make online relationships feel intense can also make them unstable. This is known as the boom and bust phenomenon:
The "boom" phase involves a quick escalation of intimacy, fuelled by unfiltered disclosure and idealised perceptions.
The "bust" phase occurs when the relationship transitions into the offline world or inconsistencies emerge — for example, when real-life personality, appearance, or emotional expression doesn't match the idealised online image.
Because trust and emotional closeness were not built through real-world interaction, the foundation can feel fragile, and relationships may collapse once the illusion is broken. Sometimes, disappointment may stem from minor discrepancies, as idealisation sets unrealistic expectations.
SUMMARY
The Hyperpersonal Model highlights how online relationships can facilitate heightened emotional connection through enhanced self-presentation, reduced social risk, and reciprocal self-disclosure. However, these same mechanisms can lead to emotional overinvestment, idealisation, and ultimately, instability — particularly if the relationship transitions into the offline world and the carefully constructed digital identities are exposed as incomplete or misleading.
RESEARCH EVIDENCE FOR SELF-DISCLOSURE IN VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS
Support for Reduced Cues Theory: Bertacco and Deponte (2005) found that participants writing emails disclosed less and made fewer references to shared memories than those composing traditional letters.
Challenge to Reduced Cues Theory: Tidwell and Walther (1995) argued that online users adapt by using alternative cues such as response timing, emojis, and punctuation. These digital cues serve a similar purpose to non-verbal ones in F2F communication.
Support for Hyperpersonal Model: Rosenfeld and Thomas (2012) found that internet users were likelier to be in a romantic relationship than those without access. Whitty and Johnson (2009) also found that online conversations tend to be more direct, often involving probing and emotionally revealing questions.
Cultural differences in self-disclosure: Yum and Hara (2005) found that although self-disclosure contributes to relationship development in the USA, Japan, and Korea, only American participants showed a positive link between disclosure and trust. Nakanishi (1986) noted that Japanese participants preferred low self-disclosure, showing that Western assumptions about openness may not be universally applicable.
THE ABSENCE OF GATING IN VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS
In face-to-face (F2F) contexts, certain factors can act as ‘gates’—obstacles that prevent a relationship from forming or progressing. These may include physical appearance, speech difficulties (e.g. a stammer), social anxiety, disability, or shyness. Such features can shape first impressions or provoke anxiety, limiting an individual’s opportunity to present their inner self. These barriers are especially relevant in the early stages of F2F interactions, where snap judgments can derail connections before exploring deeper qualities.
However, these external cues are absent or greatly diminished in virtual contexts. In computer-mediated communication (CMC), individuals can choose what to reveal and when, meaning that the initial focus of the relationship shifts away from superficial characteristics and towards communication style, mutual interests, and emotional openness. This creates an environment where personality, values, and emotional insight are prioritised over immediate visual or verbal impressions.
MCKENNA AND BARGH (1999, 2000)
McKenna and Bargh conducted foundational research into how the absence of gating in virtual environments facilitates more authentic self-expression. They found that individuals who experience difficulty forming relationships offline—due to loneliness, low self-esteem, or social anxiety—were often able to reveal their true selves more comfortably online. The lack of visual and auditory judgment meant that internal qualities could emerge more freely, allowing these individuals to build connections based on who they are, not how they appear.
Crucially, they found that these connections were not short-lived or superficial. Seventy per cent of the online relationships they studied persisted for over two years, and many successfully transitioned to the offline world. This challenges the idea that virtual relationships are inherently fragile or inferior, suggesting that CMC can be a powerful medium for genuine and enduring relational development, particularly for those disadvantaged in traditional social settings.
ZHAO ET AL. (2008)
Zhao and colleagues extended this line of thinking by exploring how the construction of online identities can influence offline social functioning. They found that when individuals created valued and socially affirmed online personas, it often boosted their self-image and confidence in real-world interactions. In other words, the absence of gating supports relationship formation online and helps individuals redefine how they see themselves.
This has important psychological implications: if a person can experience positive reinforcement for their personality or values online—without the interference of superficial judgments—they may carry this newfound self-worth into face-to-face interactions, improving the quality and depth of their offline relationships.
SUMMARY
The absence of gating in CMC allows individuals—particularly those with psychological or social vulnerabilities—to sidestep barriers that might inhibit real-world relationships. This fosters greater self-disclosure, increased authenticity, and potentially longer-lasting connections. Research by McKenna and Bargh shows that online platforms can create emotionally safe spaces. Zhao et al. demonstrate that the positive feedback loops generated online can spill over into offline identity development and relational success.
In sum, the reduced visibility of physical and social ‘gates’ in virtual environments shifts the emphasis from external traits to internal worth, offering new relational opportunities for individuals who may otherwise remain socially excluded.
EVALUATION OF VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS IN SOCIAL MEDIA
STRENGTHS
RESEARCH SUPPORT FOR HYPERPERSONAL MODEL
Whitty and Johnson (2009) found that online interactions often involve direct and probing questions, promoting faster emotional intimacy. This supports Walther’s Hyperpersonal Model, which argues that CMC allows for accelerated self-disclosure due to greater control over self-presentation and reduced social risk.
EVIDENCE OF RELATIONSHIP DURABILITY
McKenna and Bargh (2000) found that romantic relationships formed online were more likely to last over two years than those initiated offline. This directly contradicts early fears that CMC produces shallow or short-lived connections and instead supports the effectiveness and emotional depth of virtual relationships, particularly for those with social anxiety or loneliness.
PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS
Zhao et al. (2008) demonstrated that constructing a positive online identity can improve self-esteem and positively affect offline relationships. This has important implications for therapeutic interventions and digital education, suggesting that well-managed online interaction can support emotional and social development.
LIMITATIONS
TEMPORAL VALIDITY AND TECHNOLOGICAL CHANGE
Many influential studies (e.g., Walther, McKenna, and Bargh) were conducted before the rise of smartphones, dating apps, social media filters, and video calling. These technologies reintroduce visual cues and social pressures that theories like Reduced Cues Theory or the Hyperpersonal Model do not account for. As a result, their applicability to modern online behaviour is increasingly limited.
OVER-SIMPLIFIED MODELS
Theories often assume a binary between online and offline relationships, but individuals shift fluidly between the two. Walther (2011) argues that people use a blend of face-to-face and online communication, meaning the theories may lack ecological validity by failing to reflect the complexity of everyday interactions.
PLATFORM-SPECIFIC DIFFERENCES
Not all forms of CMC promote self-disclosure equally. For example, users on dating sites may be more reserved because they expect to meet their partners offline, whereas anonymous forums or text-only platforms may encourage greater openness. Therefore, explanations of virtual relationships may lack population validity, as they do not differentiate between types of online platforms.
CHALLENGES TO REDUCED CUES THEORY
Sproull and Kiesler’s Reduced Cues Theory assumes that online communication is impersonal due to the absence of non-verbal cues. However, research by Tidwell and Walther (1995) found that people adapt to digital communication by using alternative cues such as timing, emojis, capital letters, and even punctuation, allowing for emotional nuance. This undermines the theory’s assumption that meaningful interaction is impossible without traditional non-verbal communication.
SOCIAL RISKS UNIQUE TO CMC
Modern forms of online interaction introduce new challenges not captured in early theories. Concepts like ghosting, being left on read, blocking, and catfishing create emotional vulnerabilities and relational ambiguity unique to digital communication. These behaviours complicate emotional regulation and trust-building in virtual spaces.
INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES
Theories do not fully explain how personality traits such as introversion, attachment style, or self-esteem influence online disclosure. Peters (2005) found that motivations and personality mediate how individuals form online friendships, suggesting that the effects of CMC are not universal but depend on psychological factors.
CULTURAL AND GENDER BIASES
Buss (1989) found gender differences in mate preferences, with men prioritising physical attractiveness and women valuing status. These biases are reproduced in CMC, especially when visual cues are reintroduced through profile pictures or social media. Additionally, Yum and Hara (2005) showed that self-disclosure norms differ cross-culturally, with Americans favouring openness more than Japanese or Korean users. This limits the cross-cultural validity of many CMC theories.
CONCLUSION
Virtual relationships in social media challenge traditional ideas about intimacy, trust, and self-disclosure. While theories like the Hyperpersonal Model and Absence of Gating help explain how intimacy can develop online, they often fail to address the diverse and evolving nature of digital platforms and behaviours.
Reduced Cues Theory, once a dominant model, now appears overly pessimistic in light of modern findings. In contrast, contemporary research shows that digital environments can support deep, long-lasting relationships — especially for individuals with social vulnerabilities.
However, theories must now evolve to account for platform-specific behaviours, individual differences, and changing digital norms, as well as the complex interplay between online and offline worlds
